Passing it on to our kids...

We do so desperately want our sons and daughters to know the reality of a living God and to walk in fellowship with Him all the days of their lives. They need to know God is real, even in the dark, even when they are tempted. They need a deep assurance that what they have been taught is true. They need to know that they can build their lives on it.

When you come to the end of your days, will your children say, "Dad was really a happy man, wasn’t he?"

I read this statement by Ken Pierpont this morning during my devotions. This sums up one of my greatest fears. That my up and down relationship with the people around me, and with my Lord will influence my children, and they will be ruined spiritually. Oh... I cry out to God for wisdom, but when the rubber hits the road and I act instead of reacting and TOTALLY fail, I really shudder to think of the long term results.

I've seen soo many Christian families who children abandon the faith. So many teens decide that NOPE -- it's not for them.

I know - I was one of them. Back then my biggest beef was the hypocrisy. I have found with myself, that my biggest pet peeves in other people are often the things that bother me about myself the most. I can't stand a hypocrite... yet the hypocrisy in my life is outstanding. I really struggle with attending church regularly, going and sitting in our pew each church service, then heading home and TENSION, looks of disgust, reviling... all the way home, and through the week. What in the wide world? Why go to church. What is that benefiting us if we can maintain a walk with the LORD each and every day. I really struggle with that.

I think to myself (probably once a month), why am I even trying. I never succeed at having an even keel, steady Eddy, mostly successful walk with God. Why would my kids want that? What have I got that they want?

I really try to be transparent with them. When I fail -- I try to take each one aside and apologize. Tell them that what I did was sin. Reassure them that I love them. Try to get these words out of my mouth, "It won't happen again." Then 3 months, 6 months later... I'm back to apologizing again.

I'm wishing today that there were a pill I could take once year that would eliminate emotions. Then I could walk through my day and nothing would fluster me. I would never get irritated at my "perceived" wrongs. Never would I feel slighted, or abused. I'd never want to defend myself against some misuse. Just float along. Bumping from place to place, at peace with the world around me... but wait -- then there would be no joy.

So why did God create me with such extremes? No one would ever want what I have.

Our Pastor has ended his sermons this way before: "If you were to die tonight, who's spiritual walk here on earth, would be impacted by the loss?"

Yeah... I'll have to think about that one...