How do I feel about Love

Well... well.. well...  Interesting that I should stumble across this subject.  Love - I feel that I don't really want to write about this subject - that's how I feel.

I see some young people around me who are "in love". I remember those days... as I look back, I think I can remember the physical feelings.  It's like they are in.  Like the looks... the laughter... the desire to be near.  To see someone across the room, or come in the door and zing - the feelings thrill you. 

I don't have that "like" stage anymore.

I think I'm not "in love" in this stage of my life.  Although I do LOVE things.

I love food.  LOL  too much...  but I wouldn't lay down my life for it.  I've gone through stages in my life where I've had very strict control of the food in my life.  I wish I could get back there...

I LOVE my kids.  I really do.  I hear people say, "I can't wait until they go to school."  I recently put 2 of my kidlets in school.  I can't wait for them to get off the bus each day and I ask them all kinds of questions - trying to pump them for information.  I miss them, and I miss that I don't know everything about their every day.  I really like my kids.  Even the kids that don't like me as much as I like them.  I had one tell me that they thought I've hated them since they were 8.  Oh my word - that cut like a knife. 

I cried...  I felt wounded for several days... I made a conscience effort to love the unlovely.  I sure do NOT want them to think that.  Why would they think that?  I just kept on keeping on - kept saying I love you.  Kept inviting them to tag along with me. I think THAT'S love... when we keep on keeping on! 

I want to train my kids how to love others.  How to be a friend.  I want to set them up the best way I know how.  Now some are getting to the age where they are making choices, and I don't have much input.  Well - I can input all I want, but whether it bounces off or soaks in is their choice.  So - I try to keep loving them even when they chose differently then I would want them to.  LOVE is still loving them even though they are different.

It's not giving up and walking away.

I've never been one who loves animals - as pets.  We've had many who have died - I never mourned that loss.  I don't love clothes shopping.  I went shopping Saturday - and an overly agressive sales cleark was annoying me.  I left that store not having spent all I could have spent.  I asked one clerk if they worked on commission - I think she was on crack.  Good grief...  shopping I do not love.  LOL

Maybe reading - I love reading.  I'll even read a bad book.  LOL  Bad as in not well written.  I'll usually regret it later - waste of my time.  I read lots of things - many signs.  Instruction manuals.  Newspapers... blogs... I think that is why I like FB so much - read, scroll, read, scroll, read...

Love... Friends and Family - I've found I'm not a good friend or sibling, or kid... wow - now that my kids are making choices to so closely mirror some of my own, I think - my poor parents.  I'm so glad I circled around and came back to their morals and beliefs.  I'm so glad I have sisters who love me and show me in very tangible ways.  I have a sister who called me today - for no reason.  That's love... not because she wanted anything -or needed anything - and it was a weird time... Sunday morning.  I REALLY like that sort of love! 

The romantic love - how do I feel about that?  I feel burnt out... some folks go from one relationship to another... I'm pretty much stuck in motherhood mode - not looking and not wanting anything more.  No desire... In fact - I'm thinking I need to lose some weight, so I can start wearing my wedding ring, just to keep questions at bay.  Stay away. 

#642 Back of a Police Car

"Your Friend Calls to say she saw you in the back of a police car Yesterday. What happened?"

You know what?  If a friend asked me that recently - I would LAUGH OUT LOUD! Literally...  I wouldn't be surprised.

March 29 - a Saturday night - I was driving home from working at Casey's.  Late at night - it was dark.  I got pulled over by a police car.  Hmm....  It could be multiple things - as I was reading a text from my dear daughter and I had no idea how fast I was going.

It was neither - I had a bulb burned out on the license plate.  After not showing the kind police man my license and registration or insurance papers (as both papers were out of date, that were in the glove compartment), he gave me a verbal warning. I showed him my old ones and he scanned my name, and found me to be an upstanding citizen.  He took my word for it.  Plus they have it in the system that my insurance is up to date.  Whew...    I saw a man and woman walking straight lines on the highway after being released - I do believe they were on the look out for drunk or drugged drivers.  Me - I got nothing.  Whew!!

One week and a day later.  April  6, on my way to church no less... pulled over again, this time by a sheriff.  I was speeding.  "Did I know how fast I was going," he kindly asked?  Not a clue...  67 in a 55 zone.  Oh me... once again - no current papers to show the man - and this time - not even a valid driver's license as it was left as home.  He walks back to his car and I'm praying that the fine will not be $300 or even $500 as I've so recently heard others received.  Please, oh please, oh please..... 

Just a verbal warning and a thank you for wearing my seatbelt. 

WHAT IN THE WORLD!!?!!  Oh happy day - I sure did Praise the Lord on my way to church THAT week. 

So - if some one ever says they see me sitting in the back seat of a police car - I'd say, "Third times a charm."  HA!  AND... a few days later - A Wednesday I believe, I was driving Dani home from Softball practice.  That's right... I see lights in my rear view mirror.  Oh no... oh no, oh no...  Out loud I say, "Oh Dani - a 3rd time, I can't believe it."  I pull over - and a fire truck ZOOMS past.  "Oh it's a fire - praise the Lord."  HA!  Sound odd I'm sure - but I've never been so happy to see a fire truck. 

There is an inside story to all of this - that someday God will reveal.  He is faithful and just... helping me to see people's true colors in all this.  I am happy to say that I am walking with him and doing the best I know how with what he has given me.  Praise the LORD I've never been in the back of a police car - other then during a school field trip.  But by the grace of God.